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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421231">Cordolium</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/leesariddle7/pseuds/leesariddle7'>leesariddle7</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Anxiety, Astronomy, Boarding School, Character Development, Developing Relationship, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, M/M, Male Friendship, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:34:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421231</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/leesariddle7/pseuds/leesariddle7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?" He bid</p><p>"I will"</p><p>•<br/>•</p><p>This story is a bit like harry potter atmosphere. Contains AU boarding schoold, astronomy classes &amp; etc. This is my first work, I’m sorry for all the errors. Let me know your opinion ;).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edward Black/Hazel Grey, Edward Black/Nicholas Steele</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cordolium</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I will give anything to be free”</p><p>____________________</p><p>He felt hopeless , it’s rather pathetic. He’s not someone who like to dwell. It’s fucking disgusting , although he may be true — it felt so good to be empty. This is wrong, everyone seems desperate to make everything fine for him. He didn’t need that. He doesn’t need comfort. He doesn’t need pity. If they want to grief — then do exactly that. He didn’t fucking care. He knew precisely what is it he’s dealing with now. He knew he just lost his mother. He mourn his mother for a whole day , and he’s certainly doesn’t care if anyone need a bloody week or months to finally accept his mother death. </p><p>He loved his mother deeply. His mother is his anchor for almost everything. He would give anything to take his mother place so he will be dead and mother will have a chance to live longer. For that he let his cold façade mask down for a day and sorrow over. Still , that would be it. Just a day. Other people can fuck off and cry. “I don’t give a fuck. Truly”</p><p>Edward felt so ... distance ever since the death of his mother. People assume he was still shocked over his mother death, but no — they were wrong. He did it because he doesn’t have to care about other people anymore. He only cares about his mother , he used to only have his mother. Now, there’s no mother — so he certainly doesn’t have to please everyone else. After his mother died , he knew he will never be the same. His mother , told young Edward to be as cold as possible. His mother stated<em> “the less you feel ... the less you hurt , darling”. As he grew older , Edward understood exactly why his mother request him to be such a cold human being. He feel numb and he loves it.</em></p><p>
  <em>Externally, Others will look at Edward and think that is nothing wrong about him. He knew that, it will be because he’s been practicing and now a master to show no emotion on his face. No one can read him. His movement and words are lace with coldness. But internally, he’s in agony. He felt frustrated, abandoned and insecure. He felt lost ofcourse , the only way he can subdue those mental pain is by scratching his wrist or clenching his fist so hard that it will left a crescent moon marked on his palm and bleed caused by his nails.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His palm and wrist sometimes were in throbbing pain ascribed to his habit. But that’s the only solution, otherwise ... he have to face constant panic attacks or worse ... he will be lost in his mental pain and can’t snap out of it. Those are his anchor now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Edward seems to be in deep thoughts until there’s a knock coming from his door. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes?” He demand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“May I come in?” Someone who have a death wish echoed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This is really not a good time to ask stupid question. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t know ? ... you tell me” Edward debate. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There’s a crack coming from the wooden door , as footsteps coming towards him — he looked up to see his Aunt Carina who’s currently observed her niece carefully. “How dare this woman to interrupt his peaceful yet void atmosphere?” Edward thought.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>“Are you alright , dear?” Aunt Carina examine Edward.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Fake concerns. Disgusting. Maybe Edward will be the one who supposed to asked that question to other people. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>“Perfect” Edward snapped. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>“Come down will you? You haven’t eat so certainly you’re not going to skip dinner.” Aunt Carina answered.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>“I’m not hungry.” He claimed. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>“You have to eat , you will get sick if you don’t.” Aunt Carina stated </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p><em>“What is it about this woman? Why must she babble to him about food everyday?”</em> Edward thought.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>“Please , I have no desire to have a debate with you about dinner Aunt Carina” Started to feel annoyed. He can manage his food intake for fuck sake.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>“I think you making this a big deal now.” His aunt replied. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>“I don’t give a damn about what you think” Edward barked rather harshly. </p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Edward stood up from his spot and leave the room swiftly. <em>“What is it about these people who can’t accept oneself request easily?”</em> Edward question himself. All he want is to be left alone , “Is that so hard? What the fuck?” He wondered if anyone could answer that question.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>When mother still alive ... no one cares about them. Everyone couldn’t care less what Edward and his mother is going trough. Whey they need simple help , people will ignore. Edward knew his mother were hurt by it , but she never shows it. Now when his mother is gone ... everyone rushes to Edward to give forgery comfort and concerns. Well ... they were too late now. They were supposed to be here when mother is sick — not when mother is now gone.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Edward approaches the attic to have a quick access to the roof. He climb up to the roof gingerly. He sat delicately on the highest point of the roof , the cold scottish wind hit him hard. Edward shudder cause by the cold. He loves the climate of his surroundings , he lay on his back and gape at the divine bluish purple sky above him. Immediately, everything going on with his life seems right.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p><em> “Mother ... Can you hear me? , I- ... I miss you”</em>. Edward whispered more to himself. It’s true, he missed his mother enormously. He felt drop of tear trickle down his cheeks. Somehow , he felt satisfied.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>Edward felt good for the release he’s having now. It will be the first time since the death of his mother who he loved dearly. He wonder if his mother is now observe her son who is having a decent time.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>But oh what comes next is something he never expected. Ever.</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p>
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